THE EVE OF DESTRUCTION

I remember a friend telling me once, Sometime before you die, you have to try just one shot of meperidine. It takes you to instant, euphoric La- La Land. On one occasion that I had hip surgery I got a shot of it. That was really enough, especially when I found out it had also been in the epidural I had for 2 or 3 days.

For my friend, meperidine was a threshold. You know what that is, don’t you? It’s just a point of beginning. He went on to bigger and better things. It opened him up to becoming a full-blown heroin addict. Drink a little beer, smoke a little pot, and then shoot or snort coke was the way a young man from California explained threshold to me many years ago. He said it happened every time he picked up a beer.

A friend came by and told me Right now, I’m on the edge of self-destruction. Was he strung out? Was he suicidal? Knowing his condition, either situation could lead to lethality. Immediately I thought of that protest song Eve of Destruction. I just sort of hummed it and sang part of it to myself. 1965? Yeah, I looked it up, checked out the lyrics. I had it right.

I asked him, What could the answer be? Answer: To have friends that would help me. I’ve been to 10 rehabs—they don’t work. There’s no support group. I need to fill the emptiness in me. Everybody’s tired of me. Even you are tired of me and you are the only friend I’ve got.

Looking under Eve first I found a group called EVE 6 with a song whose lyrics blew my mind as I thought what my friend had told me. When do we get to the part where I can go home/been hiding inside the jungle gym for way too long/waitin’ for someone to come along and find me/life in an apartment that bums me out/it don’t get better when the lights go out/waitin’ for someone to come along and find me. . .goin’ out at night lookin’ for distractions/sleepin’ through the day there’s no redemption/waitin’ for someone to find you. I’m not sure this person (in the lyrics) wants help. What I do know is that the words get to the point of the condition of an addict: At least I’m breathin’/at least I’m alive/as long as I’m dreamin’/everything’s gonna be alright/I’m alright, I tell myself twice/in the mirror before I can’t go to sleep at night/I need a lullaby I need some time/I need to get a dime bag from my guy.

I also saw lyrics to a 3rd Strike tune called Strung Out. Listen to me Jesus/this disease (?) deceives us/takes us for a flight/then shoots us down. . .I can’t release myself/calm the storm that builds inside/kill off emotions and I’m strung out again/I can’t escape myself. . .a little hit can take away my fears and make me feel a real man/selling all I have to make me whole. . .I’m sick and tired of being sick and (bleep) tired. . .my next binge with the syringe might do me in/take me out. . I’m just a slave headed for the grave anyway. Wow!

I continue listening to my friend. One doesn’t have be a rocket scientist to know when his problem began. You would have to listen to the sadness of his childhood. He missed love and acceptance and lot’s of the other things he so desperately needed. He saw inconsistencies in the adults in his life.

Now, let me ask you What happens in the next generation? How long has this been going on? I am a trained “Parent Trainer” through the Texas State School Board. When we started to have community classes I found out one thing really quickly: Parents don’t need training. No one came. Ask most parents and they will tell you. The biological is all that parenting is to some parents and many of them cannot even spell biology.

Just get them in the world. That’s what parenting is all about and as I recall that was all fun. And, weren’t they neat when they were tiny? Rabbits are much better at it than we are, though. I think mice are too.

Let’s get serious. How many kids will fall into drugs today? How many will complete suicide? I doubt any parents will read this for one of two reasons: 1) It is too much like education; or, 2) It appears to be for kids. How many parents do you know that subscribe to the rule that if you don’t know anything about it, everything's all right. Or, What you don’t know won’t hurt you.

The stuff I’m writing about today KILLS KIDS (& ADULTS) DEAD!!!

S. O. S.

Is anybody listening? Perhaps no one is reading. I checked the other night late to see if I was listed on Yahoo or Ask or Goggle or anywhere anymore. I was first. I refused to get depressed but I discovered folks have come along and used Real Time Blogging with all kinds of variations. Anyway, I think they just kicked me off. How do I get more exposure? If you have a clue, let me know. I have an extremely important message to share.

Is anybody listening? These are words that run throughout a Good Charlotte tune S. O. S. As often as Is anybody listening? occurs, so does I can’t make it on my own. Can you hear me when I call? Is anybody listening?

Eric Hoffer said we often try to hide our emptiness. He concluded, The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there. What do you hear when listening to S. O. S.? Acute loneliness! Something is missing. He needs somebody’s help. He’s on the eve of defeat. He’s stuck in his own head and finds himself miles away.

Can you identify with any of that? Have you shot signals in the air because you need somebody’s help? Is anybody listening? Perhaps you feel that way and if you do, you haven’t yet turned to the correct person or you haven’t been clearly open about your need. I think the latter might just be the case.

Suicides occur because the person who would care and help and meet the need is either avoided or not alerted to the problem. Don’t kid yourself. People are there who care and would go the last mile with you. Don’t be bashful. Talk to someone. If that doesn’t work, try someone else. Don’t ever give up.

Suicide is terminal. Life is awesome. You did hear about the little girl who was in a class where the teacher gave an assignment in her class for each student to write down the 7 Wonders of the World. It took this little girl extra time to do the job, but when she completed her list it was beautiful and , I might add, educational.

The 7 Wonders of the World
1. To See
2. To Hear
3. To Touch
4. To Taste
5. To Feel
6. To Laugh
7. ToLove

If you missed any of this, please write me. If not, write anyway. ily, h

HOW DO YOU GET THAT LONELY?

I hate suicide; so seemingly senseless. I love music; lots of different kinds of music and I always have. Incidentally if I loaned you my ancient 45 rpm collection, please advise. Anyway, a new song has come down the pike that needs scrutiny.

There is this very young fellow named Blaine Larsen who really gets to the point about suicide completion. I want to center attention on the chorus:

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin’ no life at all
Is better than the life you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely. . .and nobody knows. . .

Wow! That gets right to the heart of one of our major societal woes. What really causes folks to complete suicide?

Did his girlfriend break up with him; did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?

That’s about it. It happens and then the questions begin. Most often folks ask, Why? I’m sorry. It’s probably a little late to ask that question and it is not the best question word to use in helping the next fellow. It can create excuses. Of course, it is human nature to want to know why and I know it is legitimate to ask that question when you love.

Have you ever noticed, and if you haven’t, be sure to notice the news the next time there is a plane crash. It happens almost immediately. First question, Have they recovered the black box? Then a news person grabs an exact model of the plane and goes over details about the plane like a pro. Perhaps one or many died but there are always the same questions and the same approach. When any plane crashes investigators try to get the black box. Let’s rather save lives: Make planes out of the same material black boxes are made of—that will work. What in the world does all that have to do suicide? Nothing, I reckon, unless the pilot decided to complete. What it does have to do with is the approach taken to the subject. This makes about as much sense as Jim C. or that little old girl standing in the middle of the Interstate in Des Moines in 4’ of snow giving you the weather outlook for that area. Okay for Jim I reckon but I wouldn’t want my daughter out there even if she were the star of the Weather Channel.

One thing I do know is that we are always too late with action and really quick with the questions. Look at the song. Why didn’t someone notice something? Did no one care? One young man told me about the anger and the emptiness he felt because one of his very best friends completed suicide and didn’t even give him a clue as to what he planned to do. He didn’t even tell me. Was it an impulsive act? Perhaps we’ll never know.

I wrote one letter sometime back about Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Allison Kraus; a beautiful tune with such a sad and rotten message. At the CMA Flameworthy Video Music Awards, Brad Paisley said something like this (I searched but could not find the quote in print): It could only happen in country music that a song about whiskey and a double suicide could win such an award (Music Video of the Year).

The very first line needs attention: She put him out like the burnin’ end of a midnight cigarette. Not really! No, that’s not what actually happened. She may have helped, but she did not force his decision. He chose that response to an illicit affair or whatever it was. He didn’t have to respond by completing suicide—or drink until it was as though he/she put that bottle to his/her head and pulled the trigger.

I love life and don’t know how much is left. I am still in Erikson’s Generativity vs. Stagnation and I refuse to Stagnate because when I reach Integrity vs. Despair I hope to be able to look back with a sense of fulfillment. I want that for you as well.

In 1997 there were 33,589 completed suicides; 2001 figures were 30,622. The first figure included the unreported suicides, so it would appear that 30,000 complete per year. High risk groups? We always think about our youth. In 1997, the NYPD had 65 suicides as compared to 20 lost in LODD. That’s 4 times the general public. In 2001, 24,672 of the 30,622 were males. The highest ratio is among American males over 65 (5,393). Would that not suggest we should adopt an older man for a friend? Listen to this: Every year there are 23,747,423 people affected by suicide. A test to know if your mission in life is complete: if you are alive, it isn’t. –Anon

I was the neighborhood chairperson for something two years in a row. Now I get the stuff to do it from every organization in America, nearly. I did see something I liked on The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society post card: He who has faith has hope; and he who has hope has everything.—Ancient Proverb. I have never read that in Proverbs but the Bible is full of those very truths. Try reading it for yourself (Heb. 11:1ff. & Heb. 6:19). Ecclesiastes 9:4 says Anyone who is among the living has hope—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion.

GOOD CHARLOTTE & SUICIDE PREVENTION

I wrote what follows over a year ago. I put it on an expensive Web Site I got good hits on. I have begun to return to this most important and needed subject. I point out that great information comes from the most unusual places. I have since purchased Good Charlotte’s new CD. I just need time to work my way through it. I do want to share the following with you:

Suicide is like cancer and heart attack—Let’s don’t talk about it! Perhaps it is worse than those things, and I know it doesn’t sound like a very encouraging subject, but today it is such an important subject. It is true that most folks don’t even want to speak the word suicide and there are many, many myths surrounding the subject. But, it does help to talk about it and most certainly to folks who have suicidal ideation.

Did you know that: Every 18 minutes someone in the U.S. dies by suicide. Every 19 minutes someone is left to make sense of it. That I got from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. You could never guess where I found that Website. It was late and I was just sitting there flipping channels and there it was, on of all places, MTV. Now, I might just watch a little CMT and VHl, but MTV? Hardly!

A few years ago I spent about an hour in our living room, about 1:00 a.m., talking to a guy who had a loaded and cocked 30-30 in his mouth. That’s not the only encounter I have had but that particular time I just stayed with him, listened to him mostly, and talked to him. Finally I got up, crossed the room, took the rifle and unloaded it and put it up in my closet. You don’t forget times like that. More recently I have spent much time in suicide studies and have had specialized training for all ages of persons who threaten to complete suicide. Why? I will go to all lengths to help anyone who is suicidal or in trouble in any way similar to that.

What is it that drives people to that point? Despair? Hopelessness? Life has just lost all its meaning! Questions need to be answered and there seem to be no answers! But, right there on MTV was this Punk Pop band called Good Charlotte singing Hold On from their CD entitled The Young and the Helpless. I was greatly impressed and so proud I had found the source.

Now, come to find out, the Hold On video is a team up effort with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Band member Benji Madden, said: I did come to certain points in my life where I thought that [suicide] was an option. But with Hold On he says, It’s the most important song on the album to me because we wrote it for one specific reason. All of our lyrics are really personal, and we got a lot of personal letters. . .We want to give fans hope, just let them know it’s never worth taking your own life.

How refreshing! And it comes from a Punk Pop band on MTV. Good things come from some of the most amazing places. Keep your eyes and ears open. Shock and surprise might just come your way too. Share this message with young people you know.