HOW DO YOU GET THAT LONELY?

I hate suicide; so seemingly senseless. I love music; lots of different kinds of music and I always have. Incidentally if I loaned you my ancient 45 rpm collection, please advise. Anyway, a new song has come down the pike that needs scrutiny.

There is this very young fellow named Blaine Larsen who really gets to the point about suicide completion. I want to center attention on the chorus:

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin’ no life at all
Is better than the life you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely. . .and nobody knows. . .

Wow! That gets right to the heart of one of our major societal woes. What really causes folks to complete suicide?

Did his girlfriend break up with him; did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?

That’s about it. It happens and then the questions begin. Most often folks ask, Why? I’m sorry. It’s probably a little late to ask that question and it is not the best question word to use in helping the next fellow. It can create excuses. Of course, it is human nature to want to know why and I know it is legitimate to ask that question when you love.

Have you ever noticed, and if you haven’t, be sure to notice the news the next time there is a plane crash. It happens almost immediately. First question, Have they recovered the black box? Then a news person grabs an exact model of the plane and goes over details about the plane like a pro. Perhaps one or many died but there are always the same questions and the same approach. When any plane crashes investigators try to get the black box. Let’s rather save lives: Make planes out of the same material black boxes are made of—that will work. What in the world does all that have to do suicide? Nothing, I reckon, unless the pilot decided to complete. What it does have to do with is the approach taken to the subject. This makes about as much sense as Jim C. or that little old girl standing in the middle of the Interstate in Des Moines in 4’ of snow giving you the weather outlook for that area. Okay for Jim I reckon but I wouldn’t want my daughter out there even if she were the star of the Weather Channel.

One thing I do know is that we are always too late with action and really quick with the questions. Look at the song. Why didn’t someone notice something? Did no one care? One young man told me about the anger and the emptiness he felt because one of his very best friends completed suicide and didn’t even give him a clue as to what he planned to do. He didn’t even tell me. Was it an impulsive act? Perhaps we’ll never know.

I wrote one letter sometime back about Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Allison Kraus; a beautiful tune with such a sad and rotten message. At the CMA Flameworthy Video Music Awards, Brad Paisley said something like this (I searched but could not find the quote in print): It could only happen in country music that a song about whiskey and a double suicide could win such an award (Music Video of the Year).

The very first line needs attention: She put him out like the burnin’ end of a midnight cigarette. Not really! No, that’s not what actually happened. She may have helped, but she did not force his decision. He chose that response to an illicit affair or whatever it was. He didn’t have to respond by completing suicide—or drink until it was as though he/she put that bottle to his/her head and pulled the trigger.

I love life and don’t know how much is left. I am still in Erikson’s Generativity vs. Stagnation and I refuse to Stagnate because when I reach Integrity vs. Despair I hope to be able to look back with a sense of fulfillment. I want that for you as well.

In 1997 there were 33,589 completed suicides; 2001 figures were 30,622. The first figure included the unreported suicides, so it would appear that 30,000 complete per year. High risk groups? We always think about our youth. In 1997, the NYPD had 65 suicides as compared to 20 lost in LODD. That’s 4 times the general public. In 2001, 24,672 of the 30,622 were males. The highest ratio is among American males over 65 (5,393). Would that not suggest we should adopt an older man for a friend? Listen to this: Every year there are 23,747,423 people affected by suicide. A test to know if your mission in life is complete: if you are alive, it isn’t. –Anon

I was the neighborhood chairperson for something two years in a row. Now I get the stuff to do it from every organization in America, nearly. I did see something I liked on The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society post card: He who has faith has hope; and he who has hope has everything.—Ancient Proverb. I have never read that in Proverbs but the Bible is full of those very truths. Try reading it for yourself (Heb. 11:1ff. & Heb. 6:19). Ecclesiastes 9:4 says Anyone who is among the living has hope—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion.