I CAN'T STOP THE PAIN!

Do you feel this way? Do you know anyone who feels this way? You do know it is a dangerous feeling that can just go on and on. What caused the pain may perhaps be the focus of attention. That is a normal response. It is quite normal to feel pain due to the way you were treated or because you were just ignored or overlooked.

That does not make you a bad person. You had something bad happen to you but you are not bad. Scarcely a single person goes very long without something like this happening. It is not something to be self-destructive over.

We should never argue with a person over his/her feelings. Whether we might think the feelings are not worth getting too upset about, they are upsetting to the individual suffering the emotions. Do something very positive for yourself or your friend: Validate the feelings! That’s right. Recognize the feelings. If it is another person let them know you may not know how they feel but you know their situation must be very painful. You might even say, I am sorry for what happened that caused you so much pain.

It is also alright to be angry because of the circumstances you are enduring or your friend is enduring. I would probably feel the same way given the same set of circumstances.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of grading everything that happens to us. This is just awful. I can’t stand this. I just can’t go on like this. Do you notice the preponderance of the word can’t in all this? The presence of so many cant's suggests a real need for help.

If it is true you can’t stop the pain, it’s probably true you can’t see a future without pain. There may be other cant’s as well e.g., eating, sleeping, etc.

Let’s just take a new approach and see if that will work. Are the feelings within the person with all the cant’s really helping the person in any way? Obviously they are not. How will continuing to feel this way really help any future feelings about oneself?

Take a little different approach. Flip the Script! Just suppose someone put you down, hurt you, or acted ugly to you? Does that really make you such a bad person or does it not really reflect on the bad taste of the person dishing out the garbage.

I really prefer the latter. These things have happened to me. I can remember when they nearly killed me—though I was not suicidal over it. I just did not think I could go on feeling the way I felt. I just Flipped the Script. I turned it around and looked non-judgmentally at the person who I felt wronged me and, all of a sudden I had a complete paradigm shift. A completely new perspective saved the day.

Life is really great after all!!!